if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
