at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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