Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My penis needs a shock collar
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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