I'm lost and stupid without you.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This baby is an asshole
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
