FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
