Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
