my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
