I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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