Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
