Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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