Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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