Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
