I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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