this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
