I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
