yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
