Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
