i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
