I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
