just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I wish you could order shots online.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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