I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
