I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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