just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
