well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
