First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
