Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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