spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
