I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
