So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
