the new term for farting is butt boxing.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
