woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
