Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
