the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
