I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
