I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
