he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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