i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
