a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
