So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
