if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
