On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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