he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
