Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
