Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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