i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
