Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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