some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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