Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
