to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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