Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
