am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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