that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
